Show whole topic Jan 12, 2012 11:13 pm
beko Offline
Developer, Administrator
Registered since: Jun 04, 2004
Location: Cresbach

Subject: Native english speaker needed for text validation on intro text
I need a native speaker for american or english for the INTRO text of the original MAX video. I need you to confirm and correct the following lines I noted down straight from the intro movie. I am however no native speaker and there's also this very "epic" speech in use I can hardly follow on some passages. I also need correct grammar as it is used in the into movie on this.

The text will be used in our intro remake and I don't want another case of "all your base are belong to us".

That's what I figured from the intro:


They were the unwanted. Cults. Religious factions. Even entire governments. Through the intercession of alien rulers called the Concord, they had been taken off a hostile Earth, and given a new chance to gain a new world on which to prosper.

Inside each alien-supplied ship lies a faction's entire population. Their alien sponsors promised them a new world on which they can thrive. All they have to do, is fight for it.

While most of their population rested in statis until they can be called to colonize specially selected members of each group became the leaders of the robotic forces that would create the beach head on the new world.

But humans can not withstand the rigours of hyperspace without radical surgery. The selectees' central nervous system were removed and placed into a protective capsule of alien design. Only the hardest and most selfless of the refugees could tolerate this drastic procedure. The result was the MAX Commander.

*background techbabble I can not figure out here*

Others of the refugees acted under alien direction made the seed ships that would take the MAX Commander and his carefully selected beach head force to his destination

The MAX Commander. A human brain safely isolated from the terrors of hyperspace, linked to robot interfaces, that would control the seed ships through their hyperspace journey and ensure the clan's colonization of the planet.

Suitable planets were chosen. The seed ships sprang forth from the gigantic colony ships raising towards their prospect of their new home.

Arriving in the new system each clan found other seed ships already there. To take the system they must fight as proxies for alien sponsors to determine the new master of the planet.

MAX Commanders ordered factorys intended to build terraformers and eco-constructors to build the machinery of war.

Enlifted in the power games of the Concord the only chance of survival for the clans of humanity is to fight for and win these planets.

Please quote, correct, confirm!
Bernd Kosmahl
"Sir, we are surrounded!" - "Great - we can attack in any direction."