Show whole topic Jan 20, 2012 10:03 pm
dd/mm/yy Offline
Approved Member
Registered since: Jan 20, 2012
Location: -

Subject: Re: Native english speaker needed for text validation on intro text
Hi beko, I'm from England and have had a few listens through and checked it over - to be honest you pretty much had it except for a couple of words. Your English is better than my German Smiling

I've changed a few words and bits of grammar, I still can't make out the announcement in the middle but I don't think it says anything important.

Hope that helps!


They were the unwanted. Cults. Religious factions. Even entire governments. Through the intercession of the alien rulers called the Concord, they had been taken off a hostile Earth, and given a new chance to gain a new world on which to prosper.

Inside each alien-supplied ship lies a faction's entire population. Their alien sponsors promised them a new world on which they can thrive. All they have to do, is fight for it.

While most of their population rested in stasis until they can be called to colonize, specially selected members of each group became the leaders of the robotic forces that would create the beachhead on the new world.

But humans can not withstand the rigours of hyperspace without radical surgery. The selectees' central nervous systems were removed and placed in a protective capsule of alien design. Only the hardiest and most selfless of the refugees could tolerate this drastic procedure. The result was the MAX Commander.

*announcement on the ship radio, “all *something* please report to...” can't make it out*

Others of the refugees acting under alien direction made the seed ships that would take the MAX Commander and his carefully selected beachhead force to its destination.

The MAX Commander. A human brain safely insulated from the terrors of hyperspace, linked to robot interfaces that would control the seed ships through the hyperspace journey and ensure the clan's colonization of the planet.

Suitable planets were chosen. The seed ships sprang forth from the gigantic colony ships, racing towards the prospect of their new home.

Arriving in the new system, each clan found other seed ships already there. To take the system they must fight as proxies for alien sponsors to determine the new master of the planet.

MAX Commanders ordered factories intended to build terraformers and eco-constructors to build the machinery of war.

Enlisted in the power games of the Concord the only chance of survival for the clans of humanity is to fight for and win these planets.