Mechanized Assault & eXploration Reloaded



#1 Jan 12, 2012 10:13 pm
beko beko Offline
Developer, Administrator
Registered since: Jun 04, 2004
Posts: 2,256


Subject: Native english speaker needed for text validation on intro text
Hi,
I need a native speaker for american or english for the INTRO text of the original MAX video. I need you to confirm and correct the following lines I noted down straight from the intro movie. I am however no native speaker and there's also this very "epic" speech in use I can hardly follow on some passages. I also need correct grammar as it is used in the into movie on this.

The text will be used in our intro remake and I don't want another case of "all your base are belong to us".

That's what I figured from the intro:

Quote:

They were the unwanted. Cults. Religious factions. Even entire governments. Through the intercession of alien rulers called the Concord, they had been taken off a hostile Earth, and given a new chance to gain a new world on which to prosper.

Inside each alien-supplied ship lies a faction's entire population. Their alien sponsors promised them a new world on which they can thrive. All they have to do, is fight for it.

While most of their population rested in statis until they can be called to colonize specially selected members of each group became the leaders of the robotic forces that would create the beach head on the new world.

But humans can not withstand the rigours of hyperspace without radical surgery. The selectees' central nervous system were removed and placed into a protective capsule of alien design. Only the hardest and most selfless of the refugees could tolerate this drastic procedure. The result was the MAX Commander.

*background techbabble I can not figure out here*

Others of the refugees acted under alien direction made the seed ships that would take the MAX Commander and his carefully selected beach head force to his destination

The MAX Commander. A human brain safely isolated from the terrors of hyperspace, linked to robot interfaces, that would control the seed ships through their hyperspace journey and ensure the clan's colonization of the planet.

Suitable planets were chosen. The seed ships sprang forth from the gigantic colony ships raising towards their prospect of their new home.

Arriving in the new system each clan found other seed ships already there. To take the system they must fight as proxies for alien sponsors to determine the new master of the planet.

MAX Commanders ordered factorys intended to build terraformers and eco-constructors to build the machinery of war.

Enlifted in the power games of the Concord the only chance of survival for the clans of humanity is to fight for and win these planets.

Please quote, correct, confirm!
Bernd Kosmahl
"Sir, we are surrounded!" - "Great - we can attack in any direction."
↑  ↓

#2 Jan 13, 2012 2:02 am
beko beko Offline
Developer, Administrator
Registered since: Jun 04, 2004
Posts: 2,256


Subject: Re: Native english speaker needed for text validation on intro text
Yeah well you get the idea:

Movie is coming up as well.
Bernd Kosmahl
"Sir, we are surrounded!" - "Great - we can attack in any direction."
↑  ↓

#3 Jan 13, 2012 9:39 am
fyzzo fyzzo Offline
Approved Member
Registered since: Sep 23, 2009
Posts: 279


Subject: Re: Native english speaker needed for text validation on intro text
I ask gassy_mexican from Youtube - he is just one of the best voice actors I know.

Family-Guy-Voices:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7ofGOYUjhc

And hear the voice in this intro - It's just FANTASTIC
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9LC9edVTKw

I think I have to wait some days. I hope I get an answer.
This post has been edited 7 times. Last edit on Jan 13, 2012 10:03 am by fyzzo. ↑  ↓

#4 Jan 13, 2012 10:36 am
beko beko Offline
Developer, Administrator
Registered since: Jun 04, 2004
Posts: 2,256


Subject: Re: Native english speaker needed for text validation on intro text
Hija, thanks fyzzo. While it is true that we're looking for voice recording as well I simply need someone to correct the _texts_ in this case.

I won't refuse help on recording voices of course Smiling
Bernd Kosmahl
"Sir, we are surrounded!" - "Great - we can attack in any direction."
↑  ↓

#5 Jan 20, 2012 9:03 pm
dd/mm/yy Offline
Approved Member
Registered since: Jan 20, 2012
Posts: 1


Subject: Re: Native english speaker needed for text validation on intro text
Hi beko, I'm from England and have had a few listens through and checked it over - to be honest you pretty much had it except for a couple of words. Your English is better than my German Smiling

I've changed a few words and bits of grammar, I still can't make out the announcement in the middle but I don't think it says anything important.

Hope that helps!

Quote:

They were the unwanted. Cults. Religious factions. Even entire governments. Through the intercession of the alien rulers called the Concord, they had been taken off a hostile Earth, and given a new chance to gain a new world on which to prosper.

Inside each alien-supplied ship lies a faction's entire population. Their alien sponsors promised them a new world on which they can thrive. All they have to do, is fight for it.

While most of their population rested in stasis until they can be called to colonize, specially selected members of each group became the leaders of the robotic forces that would create the beachhead on the new world.

But humans can not withstand the rigours of hyperspace without radical surgery. The selectees' central nervous systems were removed and placed in a protective capsule of alien design. Only the hardiest and most selfless of the refugees could tolerate this drastic procedure. The result was the MAX Commander.

*announcement on the ship radio, “all *something* please report to...” can't make it out*

Others of the refugees acting under alien direction made the seed ships that would take the MAX Commander and his carefully selected beachhead force to its destination.

The MAX Commander. A human brain safely insulated from the terrors of hyperspace, linked to robot interfaces that would control the seed ships through the hyperspace journey and ensure the clan's colonization of the planet.

Suitable planets were chosen. The seed ships sprang forth from the gigantic colony ships, racing towards the prospect of their new home.

Arriving in the new system, each clan found other seed ships already there. To take the system they must fight as proxies for alien sponsors to determine the new master of the planet.

MAX Commanders ordered factories intended to build terraformers and eco-constructors to build the machinery of war.

Enlisted in the power games of the Concord the only chance of survival for the clans of humanity is to fight for and win these planets.
↑  ↓

#6 Jan 20, 2012 11:06 pm
beko beko Offline
Developer, Administrator
Registered since: Jun 04, 2004
Posts: 2,256


Subject: Re: Native english speaker needed for text validation on intro text
Weeee - thank you so much Hurra

I knew I had some details wrong and this really helps me a lot. After all I'm not going to do this work twice because of some grammar mistakes so I'm really happy for your input on this Respect
Bernd Kosmahl
"Sir, we are surrounded!" - "Great - we can attack in any direction."
↑  ↓

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